EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Dika is four years older than Chisom,and although they have such age difference,they are  two peas in a pod. Two jolly fellows, often times,they would chat and laugh hysterically that neigbours would wonder if they had won a jackpot. What age difference can put asunder a sisterly gossips and hearty giggle anyways?
They had gone to the market,just down the street on a breezy Saturday morning in their usual happy mood,chatting about “everything”,and often they would grin from ear to ear.

Ipodo market may seems like a mini market,but it holds loads of stuff;ranging from clothing materials,food items,foot wears,items of stationery,you just name it! And as such,people trade it;workers,who had closed from work ,and would want to buy some items,people like Dika and Chisom,who just came from their homes to purchase one thing or the other,and not excluding hunting spirits…So like every other market,it’s always teeming,especially on Saturdays. It was at this same market that Oby’s most cherished phone was mysteriously whisked. “Ejor oh…ejor oh…!”(meaning : ‘please oh’,i.e another way of saying ‘excuse me’ in Yoruba language) a woman’s voice had echoed from behind as she tries to forcefully wade through the crowd of buyers,spirits,and pick-pockets. “Madam ,abeg fly” Dika had muttered in exasperation,” i don’t just know why some people can’t simply exercise a little patience” she said to Chisom,who just smiled calmly in response.

The ladies had walked into a shoe store,and bought two pairs of stilettos before heading to the clothing line to buy some ladies top. “Babe,borrow me a thousand naira,to add up to my money, i really want to get this”Dika said to Chisom as she points to a white crisp shirt on a mannequin. Chisom hummed ,”i don’t think i have more than enough to lend ,i still haven’t got  baby’s diapers for Aunty Neye” she had said calmly . And almost made her way to check out a pant trousers,when she was abruptly stopped by Dika’s thrilling voice,”you made me buy shoes i didn’t budget,and now you’re telling  me you don’t have enough money to lend,it’s not as if wouldn’t pay you back!”. “But i didn’t force you to buy the shoes” Chisom had said as she turned,brought out a thousand naira note ,and handed it to her sister. And just as she made her way for the pant trousers again,her sister retorted, ” Hey come back here,take it,just take it!”. Chisom had turned in awe to see what it was she was being called back to take,”i said ,take your dawn money,i don’t need it anymore! Dika’s voice thrilled in exasperation.

As the girls both briskly walked back home in anger ,saddled with silence of unspoken words,Chisom wondered the evil spirit that had possessed her sister in just a split of a second. This was her sister who she had chatted and giggled with just few minutes ago . Her mood switch baffled her,really,”how can this be?” she muttered. She needed to know!

(An excerpt from my yet to be published Short Stories :))

I bet, you can’t imagine a life where you can’t be able to perceive when you (are) or someone around you is angry. Abuses rising from emotional outbursts are on the increase,they occurs like every second. Hence ability to perceive, comprehend,control and evaluate our emotions as well as that of others  is very essential .

Emotion is a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than consciously,it is accompanied by physiological changes like pleasure(e.g joy,love,etc) and displeasure(sadness,sorrow,fear,anger,etc) . Virtually everything in life has a cause and effect, and so does  emotion. When emotion rises,there’s always an effect,which is usually impulsive. Emotion is a very  vast concept,therefore,for the purpose of this discuss,i would limit it to anger only.

 

Amygdala

An illustration of the human brain,showing the Amygdalae. Picture by Wikipedia.

Anger,like other emotions is triggered by the two red, almond-shaped part of the brain called the amygdalae(singular:amygdala) or the emotional part of the brain. The amygdala is very impulsive,this is why people tend to react when they are emotional. It also helps in controlling emotions. Now,the big question is: what is emotional intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is a life /social skill that describes how well an individual can recognize and manage their emotions, and react to the emotions of others appropriately.Emotions are often very spontaneous,hence sensitive,so they need to be responded to appropriately ,else irrational reactions will result.

Emotional intelligence involves, but not limited to the following skills:

  • Emotional awareness: Acknowledging ones’ emotions,and that of others is very crucial.It is very true that some people tend to hide their emotions;which is not only harmful to the psychological well-being of such individuals,but also to the persons he or she encounters,because,there could be an outburst of emotions,or transfer of aggression. Concealing emotions is like hiding a lighted stick of candle under ones’ bed,it burns the bedding,and sets the entire house ablaze,it’s that disastrous.So when angry, it’s very important to acknowledge the fact that you’re angry,and work it out logically.
  • Self Management: Controlling our emotions maturely , understanding, and respecting the feelings of others are very essential. Putting our emotions in check when they become disruptive enables a healthy living. If you are stuck in anger,try doing something positive(like :taking a deep breath,counting some numbers like up to ten,walking around,or engaging in an exercise) to break the anger bound,and to avoid acting emotionally,or making emotional-based decision that are regrettable afterwards.
  • Empathy:This helps in dealing or responding specifically to others’ feelings appropriately . Letting their emotions click rightly by keeping quiet,and listening up to understand how they feel,then responding accordingly.  It’s ok,if you don’t totally understand their feelings,but putting aside your views,and (don’t argue with or judge them) acknowledging their feelings will be of an enormous help. Empathizing with others is not disparaging their feelings,but listening,and responding appropriately.They say “a problem shared ,is a problem half solved”✅.
  • Motivation: In challenging emotions like fear,the inner drive to accomplish a set goal becomes your motivation. It compels one from the inside to challenge his or her phobia by not giving up,or shrinking back.

Emotion(anger) is spontaneous ,it surges at any moment ,but it be can handled intelligently by frequent self check,even in a middle of an intense discussion,evaluate  your self,know your limit,and don’t over stretch it. It may sound so unrealistic,but self evaluation is the best evaluation ever. Also,keep quiet when you’re angry, argue not when you’re emotionally tensed. Try and move away from such environment to avoid tales that touch. Knowing yourself well,and listening to your feelings,not  disregarding them,but working them out can save you from so many hurts and  troubles. And respecting the emotions of others helps in building healthy relationships. However, do not sweep sensitive issues under the carpet, get to work it out when calmed, else it will reoccur. Above all,Spiritual intelligence supersedes emotional intelligence,so if you’re experiencing anger issues,also take it to God in prayer,he’ll handle it.

How good is your emotional intelligence? IF you’re often angered,do you mind incorporating  emotional intelligence in your  2016 resolution? It’s better late than never darlings. A hearty Cheers to emotionally intelligent individuals! 🍹Don’t be a stranger,let’s have a chat at the comment section… 😚😚

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMAGE 📷📹

It was Summer holiday;a period every child(even adult) anxiously anticipates. During this period, most children get more actively involved in fun-packed activities ranging from :visits to fun-parks,friends and more importantly a holiday at the Grannies’;where they inadvertently turn their grand-parents to the  Chief Justice of the Nation,because at Grannies’ ,every parent shall be prosecuted for allegedly “spoiling the rod to spare the child” But dear parents,never you relent anyways, kids will always be kids,they must have a case to be judged against you at their grannies’ court of law! hahaha…

So,on a lovely sunny summer Saturday,i asked my five years old nephew Kosisochukwu (A.K.A Kokonma as i fondly call him) who over the summer holiday developed a passion (born out of a famous Nigerian  comic characters–The Indomitables) to make a sketch of me. I guess i was rather asking for too much from a little sweetheart who had just developed an interest in drawing comics,and not human beings. Well,his reply after a little giggle “i know how to draw a house,a car and cartoons ,i don’t know how to draw a human being but i will try,” intrigued me a lot.  And the lovely image below, which he crafted using a soft copy picture in my phone’s picture gallery is Aunty Ujunwa!!! 😁😂😂 I didn’t want to be stingy ,so i thought i could share this epic art work with you,just because there is love in sharing!

Do not despise your days of little beginning! #Epic

Do not despise your days of little beginning! #Epic

Over time,we have taken tons of pictures ,and if you’re a picture freak like me,i bet, you take pictures/selfies of yourself like everyday.Pictures we jealously preserve in hard drives,wall frames and photo albums.Pictures that bring back sweet,lovely,painful memories. Pictures we often share with families,friends, and not excluding our social media followers with hash tags #Fam #BFF #TBT #WCW #MCM #TGiF  etc.

But frankly, do these pictures reflect our true image? Do they really reflect who we truly are;our inner beauty and flaws?  Do they even depict (100%) our true PHYSICAL beauty and flaws? With the emerging high level of tech-edition/filter applications,i doubt if they do!  Also,some people are thought to be naturally photogenic while some are not due to some factors which are centered on confidence,setting/background,individuals’ mood,and mechanical(camera) or photographer’s flaws. Dearest, “your image of yourself is all a lie” Jacques Lacan.

An image according to The Concise Oxford Dictionary is “a representation of the external form of an object,the character or reputation of a person or thing as generally perceived.” Hence,our individual image is unique,it embodies our genetic being,cultural,religious,linguistics background,as well as our interests and abilities. A child unconsciously derive identity from the world(the people) around him,but as he grows up into adulthood, his mode of identity derivation changes. He chooses his appeal amongst the several options the world presents to him,he deduces how he would want to be viewed by people. He becomes so conscious OF his image. And in fear of losing it,he jealously guides and defends it from being crushed.

When embarrassed,our self esteem evaporates like a puff of smoke leaving us in some kind of trauma.This shows that man’s self-esteem  could be in direct contrast to his/her false image. However in a quest for True Self Image Discovery, and how to align our lives with our true self to ensure internal harmony in this life,hence boosting a healthy self-esteem,we ought to:

  • discover the meaning and  purpose of our life. Myles Munroe rightly says“You start existing when you were born,but you start living when you discover your purpose”
  • raise our values and standards,else we’ll lose the essence.
  • state our priorities and beliefs,as well as our passions in life so as to be fulfilled.

The pertinent questions still remain- ‘who and whose are you truly are?’ Until these questions are addressed,we’ll be faced with trauma caused by our daily struggle to uphold any self- image  built outside of Christ. As for me,I’m Imago Dei (Image of God),unapolegetically created in the likeness of God (Gen 1:26-27). It is only in Him i live  and move and have my being(Acts 17:28). God’s confidence(e.i the confidence one finds/have in God’s Word) is the ultimate. Boost your image in God,and ignore the negative image the world paints of you. #Shalom

📷Say cheese! ☺😚😚